WH&E L1 11 : 0 PHC Chiswick W3
Now we know our pushback was 4pm but this report starts much earlier. An early morning discovery that the venue we thought we were going to didn’t have a hockey pitch….so the morning was spent trying to find out where we were going.
Once we worked it out we waited for the match… all day….except for Bethany who went to bottomless brunch (she insists she thought she was just going for breakfast).
Word of the day LOCATION
We arrived and it was getting dark, a team talk emphasised our desire to enjoy ourselves and have some fun after a couple of tough games.
Then the game started, and unlike last week we realised we could actually play hockey. A lot of incredible teamwork, some amazing passing and a press that would make the hockey gods weep… can’t remember the order of them but here’s a rundown of the goals scored:
- Shell on a rugby huns short corner sweeping it in from the injector
2. Shell on a rugby huns short corner sweeping it in from the injector
3. Shell greedily as captain decided she was taking the penalty flick because “she wanted to score a hattrick”
4. Shell on a rugby huns short corner sweeping it in from the injector – didn’t have to deny Sam the flick did you Shell?
5. Beth – a “phantom goal” except both teams went to check to see the ball was in the net to confirm – no confusion there (take note boys)
6. Beth – a great run, impossible angle and boom passed the keeper
7. Abbi – a nonchalant tap in from some 1-2ing between Karen and Sam
8. Abbi – so so casually passed a player then did the same to the oncoming keeper
9. Abbi – intercepted the ball to take on the keeper again, casual as you like put it past like it was nothing.
10. Abbi – remembered the need for location – calling at Sam and the perfect moment for a cross, keeper diving outstretched but a lovely lift put it in.
11. Sam – straight shot from the top of the D on a short.
Some more match highlights
- Sam took over the falling over – multiple times
2. Shell took out their keeper then tried to argue its allowed
3. Nic didn’t have to touch the ball all game
4. Shell gave the team talk from the toilet
5. T left the team talk to get a coffee even though she looked like she’d had 10
6. Shell walked into glass, no-one was there so she told everyone
7. T couldn’t quite work out how to get out of Amber’s way.
So to end it all it was dark when we started, even darker when we finished. It rained but we won 11-0 so we were finally allowed the victory haribo Sarah has been saving for God knows how long.
MOTM – everyone because we were amazing
DOTD – Sam and Shell – all was not well in paradise 😂
WH&E M2 3 : 1 West Hampstead M8
A first home game for the Men’s 2s due to teams dropping out of the league and what a game it was! Winchmore having a strong line up with the returning Joe Small and Adam Machray. Lots of good passing and early pressure leading to Tom Pearson’s great flick through the keeper’s legs to make it 1-0. West Hampstead managed to sneak one back on the brink of the half time whistle for the boys to go into the half at 1-1.
A strong second half performance from the 2s with one less substitute. Lots of chances in the D just not managing to win anything or beat the keeper. Tom Pearson, Guy and Theo bossing the midfield worked a lovely dribbling move into the D for Theo to get Winchmore their second!
The final 10 minutes had it all, with a green card and plenty of shots for Winchmore from Tom Pajak, Wayne and Siva, before Tom Pearson and Calum worked a nice ball into the D with Calum’s half volley rattling the inside of the post and going wide.
A short is awarded and the full time whistle goes, so an opportunity for Winchmore to get a 3rd. Joe saw a beauty of a shot blocked from the top of the D, which fell to Guy who rifled one at the keeper only for Calum to get onto the rebound and flick it over the keeper to end the match 3-1!
A well deserved first win from the first home game of the season for the M2s!
WH&E M1 1 : 3 Hampstead & Westminster Thirsts
After last week’s loss, Saturday’s game against Hampstead & Westminster Thirsts (self-proclaimed pub lovers) presented an opportunity for vindication. Not to be I’m afraid.
With captain fantastic away with his Mum in Milan-darling, deputy Dan delivered the dynamic pre-match team talk, whipping the squad into shape.
Listening in, it’s blatantly obvious he’s a PE teacher. Man, what a privilege for all those boys and girls he teaches each week – imagine having Dan-the-Man inspiring you at such a young and formative age! #jealous.
Alas. Despite his perfectly pitched pre-match proclamations he couldn’t break his captaincy duck and orchestrate a win. His 0% win rate as captain continues.
We asked him about it after the game and Dan compared himself to Ollie, “we have very different captaining styles. He wins, I lose.” Awkward. One teammate was even heard to say after the game “I can’t wait to have Ollie back.” Fair. His cross-field squaerials were missed.
If there were video highlights of the game it would be a short watch. Clips of Jake’s stupid green card, Asher’s piddly aerial, two Ham & West goals, and a well-worked-top-of-the-D-screamer from Joe would make up the first half showing. Ask Joe how he felt about his goal…. “I like whacking it off my back foot, they don’t expect it.” He’s an experienced bloke our Joe. Knows a thing or two about whacking balls.
2-1 at the break seemed fair, gave us a solid foundation to work from, and the game was there for the taking. We just needed to grab it by the scruff of the neck! Perhaps the half-time oranges would help? Perhaps another rousing speech from Dan would make the difference? Negative. Not to be.
The second half started with some decent shape and possession and there were points where we looked the better team. Ham & West’s only real chances were gifts from our sloppiness rather than because of their skill. They did sneak another goal, and might have made it 4-1 had a top of the D reverse strike not been saved by one of their own strikers – who wore it on the chest like some sort of madman. No surprise he went down embarrassed, winded, and in some serious pain. He certainly spared Josh any added blushes too.
Dan liked the post-match teas… ”I do quite enjoy the breaded mushrooms. Very crispy. With a nice strong mushroom after- taste.” Good to know. Thanks Captain.
Man of the Match was hard to choose. Joe nabbed it for his goal.
DOTD, a few more contenders. Dan drove into a bollard on arrival…Ollie was off galivanting in Milan, Jack had to borrow shoes, but clearly not enough people were willing to overlook the early green card so Jake was lumped with it again. #whatever.
Next week, Southgate come for a visit to Southbury. Colin will be looking to get back on the scoresheet, Josh will be keen to stay in the umpires’ good books, and Jake will be trying to avoid a hat-trick of DOTDs and match reports. Let’s go the lads.
WH&E L2 0 : 4 Old Uxonians W1
Umpire said it shouldn’t have been 4-0.
Nellie blamed the team.
Umpire blamed Pippa. (She maintains her innocence).
(Nellie volunteered for goalie duty and dived for it. They still scored but a good effort!)
The end.